“Look in the Mirror – Long Lasting Respect is Earned by Being Competent, Committed, and a Decent Human Being” July 10th, 2016
-Dean Cantrill

I have noticed over the years that a great deal of improvement programs for companies focus on everyone but the leader themselves. “What can the organization do better to help the business succeed?” Usual answer: Improve the process; improve the culture; improve communication, team building, etc. Doesn’t this assume the leader is already complete in their journey as a leader? In my opinion, any time there’s an assumption that the boss is qualified and deserves the role is mistake, but that’s for another day. This article is about self-reflection; honest, unbiased self-reflection for leaders and managers. Unbiased self-reflection is not evaluating one’s ego or over-confidence. Rather, true reflection of ones own ability, influence and leadership effectiveness.

 

I often ask myself when I am in a room with other leaders and managers, “Do these men and women have my respect because they earned it, or because of their manager’s title or company affiliation?” Over time, I’ve realized that many leaders, managers, and customer representatives are not influencing me because I want to follow them, but because of this thing I called “default-respect” created when I was 5 years-old and was told to call adults Mr. and Mrs. This adolescent discipline carries over to adulthood as a default-respect for other leaders and managers before I actually get to know them.

 

Respect is a difficult word to apply here because it means different things to different people. For me, I’m using respect to reflect on how I view someone in a business environment in comparison to myself. If their title is higher in the organization than mine, theoretically, they get my respect by default. If they work for my customer, they theoretically get some level of respect, by default. And so on. This is different to me than “earned-respect”. Earned-respect takes time and experience working with, and observing someone’s leadership approach.

 

If I’m asking this question of others around me, shouldn’t I asking this question of myself. And when I say “myself”, I am referring to my readers, as well as, myself. If I truly want to be respected for who I am individually, not who I am by title or company brand, I should reflect on this. It is my belief, that we as leaders, should be respected for how we treat people, resolve problems and issues, and conduct ourselves in all situations. Do we hold ourselves to the same standards as we hold others? If this reasoning is correct, I believe people are more willing to follow us or carry on our leadership message and direction due to earned-respect, than those who only have default-respect.

 

My favorite example is “the arrogant, bully customer”. Having worked in the Defense and Aerospace business, I’ve endured many high level customer visits from some of the world’s largest companies. I would sit in some of these meetings wondering, “How would I feel about these business leaders if I met them under different circumstances, without knowledge of who they work for?” Basically, without that logo on your shirt, would I give you the time of day? If the answer is no, then I believe these are the folks that really need to take a long look in the mirror to self evaluate their leadership style.

 

In contrast, there are some cases where I know the customers well. They continue to have my earned-respect based on how they manage, lead, and treat others. During a site visit, it is possible that they are there to give my organization a stern message, but that is usually because we have done something that did not measure up to their expectation. In contrast to the arrogant-bully-customer, they have earned my, and my team’s respect. Therefore, I/we take the criticism as customer feedback and pledge to improve. I cannot say the same is always true for the arrogant-bully-customer. Without the earned-respect, I think they sometimes only get to hear what they want to hear. When they leave, there seems to be less of a sense of urgency to resolve the issue. Most often, the team leaves the meeting to lick their wounds for a while, feeling a bit sorry for themselves, rather than mobilizing to resolve the issue. Basically, similar customer visits but with drastically different outcomes.

 

If I have not made my point yet, imagine all first impressions in business done without introductions. No title or company affiliation, just you being you in a group of potentially “Type A” personalities. All men and women on equal footing. How would you do?

 

In contrast, you usually start a new job and the first thing you hear when you meet the new team is name and title. When you meet a superior for the first time, more than likely you already know who they are. This built-in default-respect is natural. That works the same for you when you meet employees lower in the organization for the first time. Most will give you the benefit of doubt and show some level of respect to their superior. When meeting customers for the first time, you’ll typically share names, roles and responsibilities. Again, how would you view these people if you met them on the street without knowing whom they work for? How would they view you establishing a relationship on your own merits and ability to influence them?

 

Why am I going down this potentially frightening path? Long lasting respect is earned by being competent, committed, a decent human being, etc. Relying on your title or company backing is a false premise and typically only works while you are face-to-face, or directly in contact with others. Great leaders should not just rely on their title or company affiliation, they should want to influence rather than intimidated those they encounter. This will create a culture of employees and suppliers that happily carry on the leader’s message and strategies.

 

So ask yourself, do people follow me and do what I say because they agree with my direction and trust me, or because I outrank them? Do my suppliers do what I say because my company is the 8000 pound gorilla in the room or because they understand my message of what we both need to accomplish to succeed. I hope you will look in the mirror and ask yourself this question. It is never too late to create long lasting, earned-respect relationships with all the employees and suppliers you encounter in your leadership role.    -Good luck!